Feeling nothing seems good
by MissyEvil
Summary: Emma is done with feeling something and losing people so she shuts her feelings down. Unfortunately, what she doesn't realize is that she's not the only one suffering from her decision. (someone on Tumblr asked 'Regina comforts Emma after Neal's death' so this is based on that prompt)


**Hey guys, here's another one shot. Someone on Tumblr was asking for a 'Regina comforts Emma after Neal's death' fanfic so I was like why the hell not. This took a bit of a darker turn though (don't worry it's happy ending). Please read and reviews are awesome!**

**WARNING: I haven't actually seen the latest episode yet… so I don't know the details of Neal's death. I don't think that's gonna create limitations while writing this, but I want to warn you all.**

* * *

Emma Swan excepted what was maybe hug 100 from both her parents as they – once again – told her how sorry they were for her. "He was a great guy Emma." Charming said, the back of his hand on her head.

"We're so sorry honey." Snow whispered into her ear.

Emma could only nod as she stared over her mother's shoulder, not blinking once.

"Again, if there's anything we can-" Snow started, but she was cut off by the blonde.

"It's okay. I'm fine." She wasn't though, but her parents didn't seem to notice. They just smiled sweetly at her before returning their attention to the growing baby inside of Snow's belly. She knew they really did care, but she didn't want to burden them with her issues. Also, talking about her feelings wasn't something she had ever been really good at, maybe because she never actually got the chance to.

Emma's eyes suddenly caught a pair of familiar eyes on her one of the bar stools. Looking into these eyes she was reminded again why she couldn't feel anything anymore. Why she had to shut herself of off everything. Because looking at Regina caused her throat to close up. She wasn't sure where it had suddenly come from, but Neal's death was a painful reminder that she couldn't be happy. That she somehow didn't deserve to be. So when Regina locked eyes with her and tried to come closer to the woman she had sort of become friends with, Emma shook her head and adverted her eyes. She couldn't feel anything anymore.

The next day, two days after Neal had died, was his funeral. She cried. She didn't want to cry, because crying meant feeling anything? She had done enough crying already. At this point she wasn't even sure why she was crying anymore. Was it because of Neal personally, or had the fear of ending up losing everyone in her life started growing inside her again. She wonders who she's going to lose next, and if she would be able to hold herself together.

She was the last one to be handed the shovel. Should she say something? Is that expected of her? And if yes, what could she say. How she would miss him, how she would love him forever because he was the father of her child? She didn't know if she could say all these things because honestly she wasn't sure how much of it would be the truth. So instead of saying anything she just threw the sand on his casket and closed her eyes for a second. She tried to think of all the good memories they had, but she couldn't. All she felt was… afraid. Afraid because she knew that in this world, happy ending didn't exist, and even the thought of having to do this once more killed her inside.

Again, she noticed the pair of eyes on her from her right. She didn't look back though, not even when she still felt Regina's gaze on her ten minutes later.

They all went back to Granny's later to have a drink. She knew she shouldn't drink, but she couldn't help herself. So Emma Swan ordered a beer, and other one, and other one. Snow and Charming hadn't noticed. They'd hugged her, and told her that she did great. After that they had pretty much left her to her own.

After five beers there was a familiar hand on her arm, and by the way her body pretty much awakened she could tell exactly who it was from. It would be so easy to just give into these feelings, to look back at Regina and smile at her. To let herself feel something. It was tempting, very tempting. Which was why she couldn't give in. She shrugged the hand of her arm and turned to Regina, making sure her eyes stayed cold and empty. "Please don't." She said, her voice a bit shaky. She could see the rejected look in the brunette's eyes, and she quickly looked away.

* * *

A month later Emma Swan walked into the diner where her parents had asked to meet her. She sat down in the familiar booth. By the looks on their faces she knew that they noticed the dark circles, even though she had tried to cover them up. It wasn't just her eyes though, her hair had lost all of its waves and she was wearing a sweater.

"Honey." Snow started. "We know you're still very upset over losing Neal. We know how much you loved him, but you have to try and feel better soon. For Henry."

She wanted to yell at them, because they were so ignorant. Did they really not realize this wasn't about Neal at all. And that 'for Henry' argument was stupid. She would never turn cold on her own son. She knew he had noticed the change in her behavior though, it was hard not to. Emma Swan was a product of true love after all, and her shutting down something that she was made of, caused for some definite changes.

Just as she was about to tell them another lie – she was glad she was the one with the superpowers – stupid Robin Hood ran into the diner.

"Something's wrong with Regina." He was panting, and seemed to be in complete panic.

Her heart clenched in her chest in a way that it hadn't done for a whole month, the last time she had seen the woman actually. She wanted to stay seated, wait until this feeling was over, wait till she could go back to living behind the walls she had built around her. But then everybody was looking at her, reminding her that she was still the savior. She had to do something, save someone. Could she handle it? One last time? She had to.

"Where is she?" Emma asked, standing and facing the man who had ran into the diner.

"At her home."

The blonde nodded and ran off, the sooner she could get this over with the sooner she could stop feeling. She automatically reached for her chest, noticing the unusual coldness there. She couldn't think about that right now, she had another person to save.

* * *

Emma had to break Regina's door to get into the house, which was a very bad sign. Somehow she knew though that Regina was upstairs. There were a lot of doors, but Emma was automatically guided to the door that led her to the master bedroom.

There she was. In the bed. She looked very much the same as Emma. Weak. Pale. Dark circles under your eyes.

"Regina." She said.

"Emma." The brunette whispered back, something flickering behind those dark eyes.

The blonde rushed over to Regina side, immediately climbing on the bed to get closer to her. As long as she kept busy, she wouldn't have to focus on her heart. "Regina what's wrong?" She asked, scanning the older woman's body for wounds.

"You." The voice responded which made Emma stop and actually look at her.

"Me?" She asked softly, not understanding how she could have caused this.

Regina nodded and sat upright in the bed. She took both of Emma's hands in her own and the savior couldn't get herself to pull them back.

"I wasn't going to tell you this, but ever since we made magic together in Neverland we're connected. Your heart and mine, they share a connection. And so does our magic."

Emma frowned. "Does that happen every time you do magic with someone?"

Regina shook her head. "No. It can only happen with one person."

"What are you trying to say?"

Regina took a deep sigh, her eyes suddenly looking down at their joined hands. When Emma felt a tear land on her palm she knew that Regina was crying.

"I'm saying," She started after a minute of silence, "that you're my true love."

The blonde's mouth dropped open. "Wha- are you.. are you sure?"

Regina nodded sadly. "Yes. However, that's not my concern right now. Emma I need you to listen to me."

Slowly the younger woman looked up, her eyes connecting with Regina. She didn't want to be this vulnerable, but she couldn't help herself. Regina was her true love and she needed some time to let that sink in.

"I know you think you're doing to right thing. Trust me, I know. I've tried pulling out my own heart multiple times, just to stop feeling. The pain and fear can be too much at times, and feeling nothing might seem more appealing when what you're feeling sucks. I know that. More than anyone. But Emma I also know it's wrong. We can't decide to never feeling anything again just so we won't get hurt. It's a part of life, and with Henry I learned that it's worth it. The good moments are definitely worth feeling. Your heart is losing its magic Emma, it's darkening too, because you're not letting to do what it was made to do. Love. I know this may seem strange coming from me, but I'm asking you… please don't give up on yourself. On love."

When Regina stopped talking Emma noticed that there were tears on her cheeks. Shocked, she wiped at her cheeks. She was crying, which meant she felt something. Her shocked eyes moved to Regina's face, who was giving her a soft smile. "It's okay." The brunette whispered, and with those words everything hit her at once. A loud sob escaped her body and then she was shaking and crying even louder. She felt herself being pulled down into Regina's arms and for half an hour she just stayed there, the woman rubbing soothing circles on her back.

After a while she finally quieted down, but she never left Regina's arms. She just nuzzled into her neck. "I'm just scared that I'm going to lose someone again. I honestly don't think that I could handle it." Her voice was still hoarse from crying, but her heart felt warm.

"Then I'll be there by your side."

Emma propped up on her elbow so that she could look into Regina's eyes. "But what if I fuck things up between us and you leave me?"

Regina pulled her down until their lips touched. It warmed Emma's heart up even more and she held onto the woman just a little bit tighter.

"Emma. I'm never going to leave you. I'll always be there. You won't have to do anything alone anymore please trust me on this."

Emma smiled softly and kissed the woman's lips again, because she liked it and she liked the feeling it was giving her, especially after a month of feeling nothing.

"I trust you."

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**hope you liked it! :)**


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